Letters and apologies.

      My mom has this saying she always say.  I can't remember exactly how it goes but it's something to the effect of "I like dogs a lot more than people".  I'm really starting to have that outlook too.  I trust dogs a lot more than people that's for sure.  My dog Harley (Harlem) would never wrong me.  She would stick by my side no matter what, through thick and thin.  I know this sounds weird, but I would trust my dog with my life if it came down to it.  She is just like a kid, happy to see me every day, loving and sweet.  Naughty at times, but always means well.  And she's always like that.  Geunine.  I can't say that for most people.  Including myself.  Although I try, and I'm getting a lot better.  The more I find myself and who I want to be, the better of a person I am becomming.  I am quickly learing to trust myself, and trusting that what I am doing is right.  I am thinking better, clearer and nicer.  I care about others feelings now and try to be kind to everyone I meet. 
     Unfortunatly today, it was brought to my attention that there is some dirty work going on behind my back.  Someone has taken it upon themselves to feel the need to help out someone they don't know, and lie about me.  Who they don't know either party involved.  Do they know what happened during the years we were married?  Most likely no.  Why, because he doesn't want anyone to know who he really is and what he is really like.  He's such a sweet talker, such a charmer on the outside.  I have struggled for years with it.  I know who he really is at home, behind closed doors, where no one can see what he does and says.  But everyone else sees him for this great, nice, funny guy.  When I tell people what has happened to me, the alwas give me this crazed look.  You know, the one that goes, "gasp!  Him!  He wouldn't!  you lie!  I know him and he wouldn't do something like that!"  When they really don't know him.  There are two of him.  There is his persona, and then there is him.  I still haven't told people most of what happened to me while we were together, not even my own mother.  Mainly because I don't think anyone would believe me.  And it's all for the reason mentioned above.  "He's such a nice, wholesome, mormon boy, he wouldn't do that."  I will most likely never tell anyone a couple of the things that happened to me.  My reasoning is, no one will believe me anyway, plus, it's over and in the past, so why bring them up. 
     But my issue is with the kid who thinks that he knows who I am, when he clearly does not.  He says that it doesn't come as a shock to him that I am doing this to my ex.  He told him that I was always late to class in high school and always loud and obnoxious in class.  First off, why is my ex talking about this to his employees?  He is this kid's boss and should carry on in that professional manner.  Second, lying about me and telling people I am this kind of person is slander and should be dealt with as such, such as a deformation fo character/slander lawsuit.  Third, Who does this person think i am telling him that it isn't a shock that I am doing this.  Doing what?  Divorcing my ex because of all the domestic violence that went on in the ralationship?  When did that become a bad thing to do?  If you don't know what happened in the marriage, or the peoples lives, don't involve yourself.  Fourth, Obviously you don't know me.  If it was late to class, it was only ever by a couple of minutes.  I was a good student who was at every class, hardly missed school, never skipped any classes, got good grades...And, ask anyone who REALLY knew me in high school.  They will tell you that I was always pretty quite.  I kept to myself.  I never had  a lot of friends and I never had anyone I would consider a great friend.  I got along with most everyone becuase I tried to be kind to everyone.  I kept to myself most of the time.  If you had a problem with me, it was most likely something that I never knew about.  If I ever wronged anyone, it was done honestly unintentionally.  I am sorry that you are going about taking out your hate and agression towards me in this manner. 
     Do you realize that you are potentially ruining someone's life?  Do you have any remorse of feel any sort of emotion towards that?  You don't even know him.  He's been on Local sort for less than two weeks.  How can you have so much trust in a person?  Did he promise that he would get you a better job there?  Let me warn you, he uses to get where he needs to be.  He will be the first to point fingers and the last to say he did anything wrong.  That's just how he is.  So tread lightly there.  Do you want to know why he really turned down the full time position?  Do you know that they do background checks on employees who want to go from part time to full time?  Do you think that had anything to do with it?  maybe do a background check yourself and see what comes up.  For all the states he has lived, not just Arizona.  When you see the convictions, maybe you should take what he says with a grain of salt from now on.  I'm not saying you have to hate the guy.  I'm just asking that before you go and lie in a letter about me for someone you don't know a thing about, and runing lives, you find out more about the situation.  I ask that you have a conscious and do good.  And I truly appologize for any way that I have wronged you.  Like I said before, I never would purposley have offended or hurt anyone.  think about what you are doing.  Remember, there are two sides to every story and in the middle lies the truth.  If you're going to write the letter, find the truth first.

The Keys to Life

Most people think that the keys to life are money, power, fortune and fame.  But what are all those things if you don't have anyone to share it with?  For me, All of those things just bring greed and hatred.  Look at celebrities.  Their almost all divorced, at least twice, have some sort of drug or alcohol problem, are "acting out" and end up on the cover of some tabloid for some mental issue, home or family issue or reason for why they felt the need to accidently steal something when they have enough movey to by one of each for everyone in the world. 
     I try to tell people some things I've learned throughout my life, however no one wants to listen.  I commomly hear "look at your life, youre the last person I want to take advice from."  But honestly, that's why you need to at least listen to me, wether you take the advice or not.
    If I had to do it all over again, I would defianalty tell someone that getting married at 22 is WAY too young.  And also, to date at least a year and a half, if not two.  that gives you plenty of time to get to know your significant other.  To learn the likes and interestes...to get to know them...and to hopefully piss each other off enough times to learn if you can deal with the way they express themselves and their anger, and they can deal with yours, and the two of you can overcome the situtation. 
    I would also tell them, that money and status mean nothing.  No one cares who you were in high school, who you met in your lifetime, how much money you have or what kind of car you drive.  All those things are material things that are not going to last.  If they matter to someone, then that's probably not someone you want to be involved with.  Power and greed take over.  They are easily contagious and catchable.  And it's not healthy.  It's not a good way to live or present yourself.  Humbleness and charity.  No one should know how much money you do or don't make.  It's not their business.  It brings greed and envy.  That's private and should be kept so.  I'm not saying not to have nice things.  Everyone deserves nice things.  They work hard for it.  But don't go out and but that 20K mercedes when your budget allows for it, but it makes you live paycheck to paycheck. 
    Always save.  Savings are smart and simple.  And it should be one of the first things you do with your paycheck.  You never know when an emergency will arise.  With or without health insurance. 
   I've found life isn't fun if you let money and popularity rule your life.  you forget the important things and lose sight of yourself as well as the wellbeing of others.  Charity, faith, humility and kindness are all the wealth and power I need.